Happy Times

Unfortunately, it appears that things have taken a turn for the worst right now with my health. I planned to finish my last semester of law school in December, but things spiralled out of control very suddenly and I had to rush home to be taken care of by my family. I am too weak to tolerate any more chemo treatments and have basically been told I’m on my deathbed. But I still say fuck that – nobody is going to tell me when to die. This is just a rough patch along the way. This is why there have been no blog posts since September. I refuse to give up.

At this point, I have set aside pursuing my law degree because I believe in the grand scheme of things – it never really meant as much as the experience along the way and all it taught me about myself as a person. Tons of people are lawyers – some of them special, some of them not. I do not define myself by my career path alone – I am so much more as a human being ,and was meant to be so much more than this (yes I have a big ego).

Through my journey, there is so much to be thankful for – but it is mostly the people who have constantly been supporting me and cheering me on, sending me positive energy. First: my amazing family – my mom, older brother, aunts, cousins, family friends, friends from childhood, high school, university, law school, access and equity manager at law school, teachers, and professors, employers, Canadian Cancer Society volunteers, nurses etc. They have constantly given me hope and never faltered in their faith for me.

Also, my amazing team of chemo doctors and my palliative care doctor have been in my corner all along with world class healthcare for the treatment of pancreatic cancer. I could not have asked for anything more.

The ladies at the Pancreatic Cancer Canada Foundation have supported me personally through this experience.

My naturopath has been amazing and treated me with alternative therapies, including dealing with spiritual, mental, and emotional issues, and changing my lifestyle and diet.

Even new friends have become close friends right away.

I have taken trips this summer to Vegas and Montreal with close girlfriends, as well as completed an internship for my law degree with the Children’s Aid Society in Child Protection, which was an amazing practical experience for me. I learned so much just observing court proceedings in a single day than I would probably than in an entire month in law school. It really opened up my eyes to realize how fortunate I’ve been and taken for granted that I come from an amazing family/support system and there is an entire world out there I could have never imagined where children and families go through intense and complicated struggles.

I have led a charmed life. I really have. I’ve been spoiled and surrounded by love and happiness. But I do not take anything for granted.

I hope that by writing this, I can help others going through similar journeys in some small way.

17 Responses to "Happy Times"

  • Like everyone who follows your blog I am sorry to read this post. You have been an inspiration to your friends and family and everyone going through a journey with pancreatic cancer. Know that this blog is making a difference. All my love and support.

    1 Raks said this (October 23, 2011 at 1:38 am)

  • While this is a sad turn of events, you do have a charmed life. I admire your continuing fighting spirit, my dear incredible. With your amazing grace and spirit, nothing will take away from who you are. I am certain that you will still have some good days and your spirit will soar above and beyond. Love you dearly

    2 J Tiu said this (October 23, 2011 at 12:04 pm)

  • You have touched the life of so many people…I don’t even know you and I’ve been following your journey closely cheering on your successes and now, feeling sadness for this turn of events…You are an AMAZING person to have done that…I am praying hard for you now…with love xxx

    3 Julie said this (October 23, 2011 at 12:15 pm)

  • We met once, and I didn’t find out your story till later, but your personhood was so rich and strong that I felt a connection to you. I continue to pray for you.

    4 Joan Vinall-Cox said this (October 23, 2011 at 12:44 pm)

  • I like so many others I have been inspired by your drive and passion for life and willingness to fight. Your willingness to share your ups and downs is rare and makes your blogs that much more compelling. I am hoping that you have many more good days.
    Sending good thoughts and vibes your way.

    5 Jeremy Ries said this (October 23, 2011 at 2:19 pm)

  • My sweetheart, It was wonderful to see your new blog entry. I am so very proud of you. Even though you are faced with the biggest challenge of your life with a very weakened body, your mindset is still strong like a rock. You choose to show appreciation, remember the good times and try to help others rather than complain, lay blame and complain about how unfair life has been to you. That’s why people love you so dearly and are all inspired by you. I will be there with you every step of the way. Wishing you peace and comfort.

    6 KWY said this (October 24, 2011 at 12:55 am)

  • You are, more than you’ll ever know or understand, a huge inspiration. Having been through cancer in my twenties, I totally looked up to you and modelled my behaviour after your courage and will to live. I can’t express the difference you’ve made in so many people’s lives. You’ve more than beat the odds. You’re forever in my heart and are surrounded by a lot of love. Sending positive vibes your way now and always xo

    7 Claudia said this (October 24, 2011 at 10:07 pm)

  • Dear Carrie,
    you have won your battle with cancer — you filled your life with adventure, good food and even better experiences. You were dealt a crappy hand of cards but you played it out better than anyone I’ve ever known and you’ve lived more in your short time than some people who spend much more time on this earth. Your legacy will carry on, you have touched so many in your time here, I consider it such a priviledge to have met and known you and your family, such a honour, and you have been an inspiration to me. . more than I think you ever knew. Thank you for everything you gave to those who were fortunate to have known you and who shared this battle with you.

    8 NCD said this (November 4, 2011 at 2:21 pm)

  • RIP Dear Carrie…your brave and courageous soul has been a inspiration to many…I will miss reading your blogs…

    9 Julie said this (November 7, 2011 at 10:15 pm)

  • Dear Carrie,
    You have touched so many lives and been such an inspiration to so many. Your strength and courage in this battle have been unwavering. I have followed you on twitter and always enjoyed reading your blog. I have shared in your joys and sorrows. It is amazing how you have touched my life, and yet I was never fortunate enough to meet you in person. I have often thought of you and prayed for you and your family, and I will never forget you and your beautiful soul. I pray that your family and friends find the strength and courage to get through this, and I know you will be watching over them from above. Your determination and willingness to share your ups and downs throughout this incredibly difficult challenge will continue to inspire me throughout my life. I can only hope that I can somehow continue to touch other’s lives as you have, and bring more awareness to such a horrible disease. Rest in Peace sweet Carrie! You are, and always will be, loved more than you could ever know!

    10 Tiffany said this (November 8, 2011 at 3:44 am)

  • Hi my love, I am so very proud of you. I am also honoured and thankful for being able to share your incredible journey first hand. You will forever be close to me in my heart. The unexpected peace that I am feeling in my heart must be your doing from heaven. Thankyou my sweet bun.

    11 KWY said this (November 8, 2011 at 4:12 pm)

  • you are as beautiful as the butterflies, as strong as the rock , and yet, as genlte as a spring breeze
    you had lived a colourful life, like a rainbow across the sky.
    thanks for the happy times we had together this summer, shopping, eating, watch a movie, chatting…..
    I am so blessed to have you in my life.
    Miss you a lot,I will carry your heart and your radiant smile in mine.

    12 MaMa said this (November 9, 2011 at 3:48 am)

  • Our brilliant star Lindsay shines forwever. You inspire us with your Strength, Grace, Love & Joy. You live on forever in all of us.

    13 J Tiu said this (November 14, 2011 at 7:54 pm)

  • Most of us aspire to be good
    A few have greatness thrust onto them
    A rarefied few like Lindsay becomes inspirational.

    Lindsay is our bright guiding light of hope, courage & grace. May your light shine forever.

    14 J Tiu said this (November 23, 2011 at 6:09 pm)

  • My sweetie pie, I miss you so much. Glad you’re at Daddy’s side to celebrate his birhtday today. Love you tons.

    15 mom said this (November 25, 2011 at 1:24 am)

  • Just read your blog….looking for help in pancreatic cancer since my long time friend was just diagnosed today with….although you are now a shining star in the night sky, I wanted to say…you became alive in my mind and heart tonight. April 11, 2012 in Tampa, FL at 12:58AM. So, even in passing you continue to make new friends.

    16 Valerie said this (May 12, 2012 at 5:00 am)

  • My sweet heart, missing you so much. Thankyou for your blog that keeps your memory and advocacy alive. My way of trying to stay close to you. I’m sure Daddy had a very happy birthday yesterday with you being there. Victor and I had noodles for him. Love you my bun.

    17 Mom said this (November 26, 2012 at 3:00 am)

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